Things I Learned From A Man

Many years ago I met a man. He was vastly different than any other man I knew at that time in my life. He was tender, kind, gentle, soft spoken, and so drastically different than any other. This man was a husband, a father, a friend, a veteran, and probably one of the most compassionate and empathetic people I have ever known. He was so vastly different that it scared me. I didn’t understand him. What was this? Why was this? Why was I so different form him?

Growing up, I never knew this kind of gentleness. I knew harsh, tough love. I knew hiding emotions and not expressing yourself. I didn’t know or understand opening up or being vulnerable. Because I saw those things in this man that were so different from my own experiences, I did not embrace them. As I pushed these things away further and further he continued to show love and kindness towards me and everyone else around him. This confused and frustrated me more. Why was I deserving of such love and tenderness? He shouldn’t care.

Fast forward many years later… The love and affection never ceased. Through ups and downs and highs and lows, I know that he cherished what relationship we had. As I went through those years and embarked on a journey of self discovery and growth, I realized that he had something I wanted and envied so much. It was only after removing myself from my surroundings that I was able to see it clearly. What I wanted was to be that man… The one who loved and cared and gave freely of himself to anybody and everybody. The one who was calm, patient, kind, gentle, and understanding. I wanted what he had. Peace.

I made a promise to him several years ago. I told him I would watch after his loved ones and do my best to insure their futures. I wasn’t able to keep that promise for several years. In fact, I went in the opposite direction at times. But the universe has a weird way of shaping things. Several weeks ago I was able to express to him my intent and recognition of that promise and my renewed desire to keep it in any way possible. I have been placed in a unique situation where I have been brought back to where it all began and I have had the ability to help and assist his loved ones in times of need. I knew several months ago that this was the reason for my situation. I was able to go back and mend wounds and help like I had never helped before.

Back to the point of me writing this… What I learned from him. I learned that being calm, gentle, thoughtful, kind, vulnerable, peaceful, and loving are some of the best things in this world. What you do for other people and how you impact them in positive ways is all that matters. It will never be about fancy or expensive things. It is the human connections that you form and grow throughout your lifetime. I was able to view what I wanted to become. I was able to see the role model that I wanted to evolve and grow into. I wanted to be that intelligent, calm, peaceful man that I had so much respect for. I was never able to express that to him and that pains me greatly.

Today we lost him. The world lost a shining example of a human. A father, a husband, a friend, and a role model. My regret is not expressing to him what he meant to me, but I believe he knew it somewhere inside of himself. My desire in life is to continue to show and express the things I learned from him. The things I shunned before but I now embrace and cherish about myself. Love, kindness, and all those other things I mentioned before. Tim Roettker was a man I envied years ago but now I respect and admire more than I ever thought I could.

He will be sorely missed by any and all that knew him. His presence in a room was always valued and respected. Going forward, I hope that I can share his memory and the things I learned from him with the world. I aspire to be half the man he was. I learned from him what it really meant to be a man. Kind, gentle, loving, peaceful, thoughtful, caring, understanding, calm, uplifting… You will forever remain in my thoughts and my heart, Tim. Thank you for teaching me lessons I didn’t want to learn all those years ago. I intend to keep my promise to you as best I can. Rest in peace.

Leveling Up

Recently I have realized something about my life. All of the difficult things that you go through can either make you or break you. The outcome is determined by your mindset and your perspective while enduring those things. I believe that after you have endured those things and you look back on them, you aren’t the same person that you were before. If these situations are handled appropriately, you come out the other side leveled up.

What I mean by leveling up is this… Your knowledge, wisdom, and experience levels increase. Your perspective changes. Hopefully, you are more empathetic to other people and their lives and situations. You become softer, more kind. You realize what matters and what doesn’t. You do things for people because it is the right thing to do and not because you want anything in return from it. You are just absolutely and completely different than you were before.

Besides dealing with difficulties in life, I believe you can level yourself up and broaden your horizons through seeking out knowledge, wisdom, information, and experience. It could be the open and unbridled conversation with a stranger. It could be following someone else’s life through videos, blogs, social media, or right next to you. Seeing things from multiple perspectives and through many different eyes can also change you. I do, however, feel as though there aren’t many seekers in the world.

The reason this has all been on my mind recently is that I have realized once and for all that I do not fit in. I never have. I’m almost completely certain I never will. From a young age I was exposed to and experienced things that made me question everything. I asked why. I was curious and inquisitive. That makes people uncomfortable and they tend to shy away from and reject those types of people because of their own self doubt, insecurities, fears, or issues. As I have gone through my life I have not stayed in my lane. I have not avoided bumping into the walls. I have not gone with the flow or done what I was told to do. This has set me apart from others my entire life. It has been a blessing and a curse.

I have experienced massive highs and lows and every level in between. My constant mission throughout this journey has been to improve and grow. I have always been a seeker, regardless of what state my world has been in. And now… As I look around at the people near me, I feel as though I do not fit in for a host of new reasons that were completely unforeseen. Because of my experiences in my life and my attitude towards it all, I have been leveled up immensely. It has been unpleasant and uncomfortable, but it has been worth it.

I understand how this may come off to you reading it. I had a conversation with someone recently that he thought that I just thought I was better than everybody. I do not feel that way at all and that is not the intent or purpose of me writing this. I have a desire to share with the world that growth, change, and evolution are possible and worthy of your efforts to achieve. It is, as I have said before, uncomfortable and slightly unpleasant at times. But it is worth it. I am neither better or worse than any other human. I am different. And I always have been and I always will be. But that is where your super powers are in life. Knowing that nobody has your life, your experiences, your vision, or your voice is what makes you so special. And what makes you great is using those things to help other people.

Here is where I have run into issues with other people and talking about things like this. People reject what they do not understand. I have found that one hundred percent of the time they do. Learning new things is uncomfortable and sometimes unpleasant. People do not like either of those things at all. Most people would like to stay in their blissful comfort zone of life. Never bouncing into the walls or questioning things. And the really scary part of it all is that a mind that is stretched cannot return to the previous state. Once you go down the path of seeking you will not return. I feel like people understand that on some level and understand that they should avoid it to avoid discomfort. I even had a conversation with someone recently about that very thing. They did not want to start walking down that path or drop into the rabbit hole for fear of where it might lead.

And I guess here is where I am now… My desire to express this and encourage others has lead to some conflicts. I cannot remain silent when other people tear other people down or say and do mean or hurtful things to others. I want to help people build their big buildings while I make mine bigger. I feel as though there are going to be friendships and relationships fall by the wayside as I pursue more levels in my life and my world around me. I’m uncertain as to whether this will be worth it or not, but I believe it will be. My goals going forward in life are big, vast, broad, and deep. I was people that think that way around me. I want people around me that encourage and lift other people up. I want people that think and talk about the deep stuff. The hard things… What matters. I don’t want small, closed minded humans around me that are only concerned with themselves.

The last thing I will say is this. I have always been ambitious. I have always felt like there is more to life and the world than what people had told or shown be before. I guess this blog is a call out for like-minded humans that want to go do things in their lives and the lives of others. I’m looking for you all. If you are looking for someone or something… Put it out into the universe. Put that energy out on the internet, into the people around you, and express it in all of your day to day relationships and interactions.







Our Minds Are Amazing

I wanted to share this video. I have shared some videos from Jason Silva and Shots of Awe before. But this is the first time sharing anything from Lewis Howes and The School of Greatness podcast. Both of them are incredible men that I look up to and aspire to be like. This talk with Jason is amazing. I identify so strongly with him. And I love what Lewis is doing with this podcast so much that I am going to start my own very soon.

Hope you enjoy!

Honing My Skills

This is a project I did for a friend. I intentionally went all out on the effects and the editing on this. The next several videos I do will be of different genres, speeds, and styles to showcase all the things I can do. This project took me roughly twenty-four hours of total work to get done. I am sure I can do it in less, but I was very happy with it all when it was finished.

I’m looking to do more of these for other businesses or people. With or without effects and crazy editing like this. I’m honing my skills as I go and I am also teaching others how to do photo, video, and editing.

Valentines Day

I wanted to make a video about the dogs anyways, but Valentines Day seemed appropriate to me for some reason so I did it. Check it out!

I also have been putting in a great deal of work to be better at editing and creating videos. There are so many intricate details to videos. So much to think about and do. I hope you like it!

My Latest Little Project

I’m really proud of this little video. I have a dream for my blog and YouTube channel and social media. This is the beginning…

Feel free to share my videos or any of my content from this time forward.

You Deserve This…

I watched an episode of Gary Vaynerchuk’s show on YouTube. Ask Gary Vee is the show name. It featured the artist Jewel. I hadn’t seen or heard anything from her since her songs years and years ago. I was skeptical when I clicked on the video… But I’m glad. I will link it at the end of this little blog. She said something in the video that just completely struck me in a way I don’t think I had ever been struck before. Here is the quote…

“I was lonely. A lot of people are lonely. But I deserved to be lonely. Because I only told truth in one place and it was a notebook that nobody read.”

She was talking about mental health and her journey through life. If I remember correctly, I was almost moved to tears when I heard her say this. I realized in that moment why I felt the way I did and why a lot of experiences have shaped out the way they have. I have really only “spoken the truth” while I have coached over the years. Especially in the last several years. Let me qualify that a little more… I haven’t been untruthful or told lies. But the only place I have let it all out has been while coaching or leading people. I have had people describe these moments as bright lights or an energy that can be felt. I have referenced the “flow state” of mind before. That raw, unfiltered sharing of information and thoughts. I believe that speaking the truth and flow state are the same thing for me.

When I heard this little quote form Jewel, I immediately opened up my notes app and wrote it down but I had no idea where or how to share it. I wasn’t using my blog then like I am now. I want this blog to be a place where I can embrace “speaking the truth” and my flow state of consciousness. Again… I don’t mean speaking the truth as in truth and lies, but speaking unfiltered and raw and putting it all out there. I guess this will be my notebook and I hope more people read it. Here is the video… It is long but worth it.

Who Are You… ?

I wanted to share this. It was shared with me a long time ago and I have held onto it ever since. I am not a believer that the stars determine who we are, but that they do incline us. I believe the battle to know yourself and understand yourself might be one of the ultimate battles in our life. There is a saying… Gnothi Seauton. It translates to know thyself. I believe it is Greek, although I could be wrong.  I have wanted that as a tattoo for a very long time. 

If you are so inclined as to read this… You will know more about me. The first few sections are the most important and relevant. This is for March 1, 1987. Born approximately 6:00am in the Eastern Standard Time Zone. I hope that’s actually right. I should check the time to be sure.


Who Are You 

Sun in Pisces…

As the twelfth and last sign of the zodiac, Pisces contains within itself a little experience of all the signs. This gives Pisces Suns the ability to identify with people from all walks of life–from all backgrounds–in some way. These individuals are not only changeable and adaptable, they have open minds and tremendous understanding. But Pisces itself is often misunderstood. Pisces Suns may spend a good portion of their lives yearning for understanding, and the other part in a state of divine discontent. Suffering is sometimes glamorized in the Piscean world. 
Sun in Pisces people are frequently pegged as wishy-washy, but this is all a matter of opinion. What you will find behind a vaguely directionless, spacey manner is a deep person with real dreams. Their dreams are more than getting that picket fence or making it up the corporate ladder. Pisces are tuned in to a higher purpose and their dreams transcend the individual. A deep love for humanity, and compassion that knows no bounds is found with this placement of the Sun. Pisceans are not known to be cutthroat business types, nor are they given to throwing themselves out into the world in an aggressive manner. But make no mistake about it, Pisces can be extraordinarily successful when given the chance to express themselves. The arts, marketing, music, teaching, drama, healing arts…these are all fields in which Pisces can find expression. Their imagination, attunement to humanity, and remarkable intuition endow them with enviable gifts of insight and creativity.
Pisces is a sensitive sign–both sensitive to criticism and sensitive to others’ feelings. Easily touched by human suffering, at least in theory, Pisces wouldn’t hurt a fly. They believe in people, are deeply hurt by compassionless human behavior, and have a hard time saying no. Harsh realities are avoided either through escapist behavior or self-delusion; but every now and again reality does raise its ugly head, and hits Pisces over the head. This is a sad time indeed. Pisces retreats into their own world, self-pitying and giving pep talks to themselves (“I will never trust again!”). Rest assured, though, that these periods are rather short-lived and even useful. Pisces seems to derive energy from their (generally short) bouts of self-pity. They come back stronger, with a spring in their step, ready to face the world again, and just as, if not more, compassionate and trusting as they were before. Some might even wonder if Pisces finds pleasure in suffering. Sometimes this is the case, but most of the time, Pisces pulls a lot of creative energy from sadness. Pisces is the poet or artist with angst, although this trait is often more apparent with Moon in Pisces.
Some find Pisces’ tendency to be late for appointments, spaced out behavior, and absent-mindedness amount to irresponsibility. Pisces would be shocked to know this, however. Who me? Pisces wonders. Irresponsible? Pisces Suns absolutely care–their love knows no bounds–but their retreats from ordinary life (whether they are as simple as daydreams or actual departures) that they so seem to need every now and again are not always understandable to no-nonsense signs, such as Virgo or Aries. Many Pisces seem almost allergic to things like shopping lists, maps, directions, and instructions, and for some brave souls, even watches — they prefer to feel their way through life than to follow some plan. We find plenty of artists, poets, and musicians with Sun (and other personal planets) in Pisces. Piscean themes are woven throughout the songs of Billy Corgan of the Smashing Pumpkins and Kurt Cobain of Nirvana, for example. 
Short description…
He is compassionate and sentimental. He likes isolated occupations: administration, archives, history. Spirit of self-sacrifice.
Weaknesses: tendency to be led astray, lack of experience or inability to apply experience practically. Lethargy, over-sensitivity and emotionalism.
Sun in I…
You identify strongly with the image you present to others. You make an impression on others — you have “presence” — and you know it. You are self-conscious, although you may prefer to project a strong image. You will feel at your best when you make a mark on the world, but avoid obsessing over what others think of you. Accept that you need to be a leader or an innovator, and go for it, but be careful not to be overbearing with others. Forceful personality. His desire for self-development leads to success and this is reflected in his career.
324 Conjunction Sun – Mercury…
Because your ego and your mind are aligned, you possess much mental energy. You are always in a position to think about what you want, and in many ways, this is an interruption of the will. You are highly intelligent with a great drive to communicate with other. You invest a lot of pride in your intellectual capacities. You may not always listen as well as you speak, however! You might be too busy thinking about what to say next. But you are very curious and although you enjoy expressing yourself, you usually don’t dominate conversations completely. As far as studying or learning goes, you are better off reading the material than listening to a teacher. These traits come from a strong need to take an active role in communications. It is very hard for you to passively listen and absorb information. 
Your opinions are usually strong and you are an independent thinker. You tend to be proud of your opinions and thoughts, and might easily get a bruised ego if you are not “heard”, if your opinions are pushed aside or ignored, or if your opinions are criticized. You are expressive and possibly a very animated speaker. You are also very witty and others enjoy your playful and sometimes mischievous sense of humor.
35 Sextile Sun – Mars…
You are enterprising and have powerful stores of energy that you can draw upon when needed. You respond to problems or challenges with a spirited and enthusiastic confidence that is admirable. You are naturally competitive, and this trait is generally well-received by others simply because it is unforced, unaffected, and sincere. You truly believe in fair play, and you seem to be in love with life. When you are expressing competitiveness and courage, it’s easy for others to smile and accept these traits as positive ones rather than being rubbed the wrong way. You have good physical vitality. Although competitive, you are not naturally combative. You may enjoy sports or games that are competitive, but not violent. Breaking the rules of a competitive game is particularly upsetting to you. You are more able than most to control your desires, aggressions, and instincts. You know how to be fair, and you expect others to be fair. As such, sneaky behaviors, uncontrolled impulses, violence, and rage are offensive to you. 
109 Sextile Sun – Neptune…
There is an unmistakably dreamy, inspired, and sensitive side to you. A marked appreciation for music and the arts is present. The connection of Neptune with the Sun, which represents the ego and the will, certainly softens some of the hard edges that might be found elsewhere in the chart, adding a sensitive and spiritual dimension to your personality. You are naturally compassionate. It is so completely natural for you to accept that there is more to the world than what is before your eyes, that you tend to presume everyone must be spiritually-inclined. Of course, you come to realize that this is not the case at some early point in your life. Your attraction to spirituality and metaphysical subjects is usually marked. These aspects favor writers, artists, and musicians. You are sensitive to those who are suffering, although you are not usually taken advantage of. You are humanitarian and may have a special connection with animals. If other aspects and positions in the chart support it, you are not one to dominate others or assert yourself to the point of brashness. You have a fertile imagination, are full of inspiration, and very emotional – all qualities that you may use on the professional level. 
156 Trine Sun – Pluto…
You have much sexual vitality and passion. It is easy and natural for you to find a passion and pursue it, and to focus on a goal. You are not much scared of anything. You enjoy and embrace growth, especially of the psychological kind. You love a good mystery, and you are adept at solving it. You readily assign meaning to what others might consider “ordinary” events. You look for symbols, and read between the lines in most any situation. The physical vitality is generally strong, and the body is usually able to heal quickly. You are not afraid to get your hands dirty, and you are usually quick to help others–not only with mundane tasks, but also on a spiritual or psychological level. Your insight is sharp and sometimes awe-inspiring. You are perceptive and not easily rattled or surprised in life. You are not a do-gooder nor are you a law-breaker. However, you are not afraid of the “dark side” of human nature, and you will bend the rules from time to time if you feel the need to do so. You take particular pleasure in growth and life’s lessons. You are not fond of superficiality, and are generally the first to spot pretense of any kind. You are passionate and can be intense. You have a hunger to experience more than just an “ordinary” life, and you can be quite ambitious. Some people with this aspect are perfectionists, demanding much from themselves and reasonable amounts of effort and honesty from others.
The Moon represents the emotional responses, unconscious pre-destination, and the self-image.
Moon in Pisces…
Lunar Pisceans are known to be dreamy and not always in touch with reality. However, though these people may not always show real-world savvy in day-to-day, practical affairs, they make up for this with remarkable intuition. They can put themselves in anybody’s shoes with extreme ease. On the plus side, this endows them with remarkable compassion and love. The down side with this apparent ability to break down boundaries is that these people can easily lose themselves in the suffering of others. Their sense of humor is delightfully silly and a bit odd. These are perceptive souls who seem to be in touch with all the nuances and subtleties of human nature. Often this comes through in a strong sense of humor that is more of the receptive kind than the type of sense of humor that would make people the “life of the party”. It’s generally pretty easy to get them giggling.
Moon in Pisces people may get tagged as spaced out, but there’s a lot more to them than meets the eye. They feel things out, and rely on their intuition. It just doesn’t feel right for them to do otherwise. Their dreaminess can mean plenty of moments of absent-mindedness. These times of oblivion can land them in all sorts of predicaments with others who can too easily misunderstand these complex souls. Without plenty of space and time to daydream, Pisces Moons easily get overloaded with life. Give them room to be alone with themselves, and they’re generally able to take on the world–even if their style when they do so is not always conventional or understandable. Generally considered soft-hearted and sweet, Lunar Pisceans care about others and are easily touched by human suffering. This tendency gains them the reputation as suckers for sob stories. Although this may sometimes be true, many Lunar Pisceans learn, in their lifetimes, how to discern between sincerity and manipulation. Still, they definitely do have plenty of soft corners.
In personal relationships, Lunar Pisceans are giving and yielding. They are generally open on a sexual level, in a quiet way. Their fantasies can be far-reaching, intricate, and rich with emotion. Love is closely tied in with their sexuality. Most Lunar Pisceans are shy; they need a trustworthy lover to bring them out. There’s a delightful accepting side to Moon in Pisces that is sometimes mistaken for weakness. Pisces is the twelfth and last sign of the zodiac, and thus carries with it a little of each sign of the zodiac. As a result, they see themselves reflected in the behavior of others, giving them seemingly boundless compassion. Since the Moon represents our instinctive nature, Moon in Pisces seems to know how things feel without actual experience. For example, they may have never had sex, but seem to know all about it — even, or especially, the subtleties of it. The ones that aren’t too shy make awesome actors and actresses. This ability to empathize even in the absence of experience gives them an open mind and heart. Most long to express this through writing, music (both listening and making), poetry, and art — in fact, the happiest people with this position do just that. Though some are doormats, most Pisces Moon people instinctively know when they’re due for a much-needed recharge. It’s at these times that they retreat from the world (and its harsh realities) if only to gather strength to face everything and everyone again. Solitude is important to them, but they also need people, so their retreats will usually be short-lived. Pisces Moon individuals believe; and, let’s face it, the world needs Piscean leaps of faith.
Short description…
Imaginative, sharp insights. He is impressionable, with an abundant imagination. Gentle, warm, humorous, artistic.
Weaknesses: troubles caused by too much sentimentality, worries, problems, unhealthy imagination, nervousness.
Moon in I…
Very sensitive. Fantasizes. He is easily frightened, he is fearful, shy, prudent and emotional.
Your feelings are right out there for everyone to see, and you can come across as emotional and impatient, or nurturing and caring (or both). Your first reaction is emotional, especially if the Moon is in close proximity (within ten degrees) of the Ascendant degree. You need emotional stimulation, movement, and freedom to express yourself in order to feel happy and fulfilled. Your moods are very changeable, and this can be quite obvious to others. Because of your emotional sensitivity, you might often take things too personally, and react too quickly. Developing an awareness that others’ emotions are just as important, even if they are not as overt and immediate as yours, will be important.
243 Sextile Moon – Venus…
You are generally amiable and project a soft and yielding manner. You possess natural charm and you are highly imaginative and sympathetic. You can make an excellent mediator and go-between. You are keenly aware of your need for relationships and for intimacy. You have a well-developed respect for qualities typically associated with the feminine. People appreciate you for your tender heart and friendly, diplomatic disposition. You should enjoy a good measure of personal popularity and success in your life. Although generally considered “lucky” with relationships and with money, this is less about luck than it is about a certain level of inner peace and positive energy that attracts pleasant situations. At times you can be complacent, downright lazy, and over-indulgent in the “pleasures” of life. However, you are a peace-maker at heart and have an unusual ability to help and heal others. You are gracious and warm.
783 Conjunction Moon – Jupiter…
He is generally pleasantly composed, due to an inner sense of harmony and emotional balance. He is optimistic–and realistically so, most of the time–which contributes to his overall “luck”. He is able to get a real perspective on emotional matters that not only benefits his outlook, he is able to offer support to others when needed. Broad-mindedness is a wonderful characteristic. Quick to find humor in situations, he is generally warm and fun to be around. Deep down, he believes in the basic goodness of people and of life in general, and this basic and natural attitude helps him to attract positive circumstances and to make good connections. One of his best qualities is tolerance. Usually, he doesn’t take life too seriously in the sense that he believes in having a bit of fun. His hunches are more often than not bang-on.
He is frank, honest, optimistic and generous. He likes good cooking, his comforts. His friendships are sincere. He is a worker and knows how to surround himself with the right people: He is appreciated at work.
-66 Square Moon – Uranus…
He has a feverish, non-constructive restlessness. He is too susceptible. His life is full of change. He is irritable and stubborn at times due to an inner restlessness that is hard to satisfy. He has difficulty concentrating on a job. Nervous strain. His friendships are like his professional and love life – sometimes unstable. There is a strong need for closeness, but when people get too close, he gets cagey, as he values personal freedom just as much.
Mercury represents communication, Cartesian and logical spirit.
Mercury in Pisces…
He sponges up the feelings and moods of people and the environment around him. Moody communication–sometimes very talkative, other times withdrawn. Tactful, doesn’t want to offend anyone. Fertile imagination. Flexible mind, sometimes gullible, but usually simply open to possibilities. Indirect. It can be very hard to pin him down to any one belief or decision.
Mercury in I..
Lively, alert, penetrating and ingenious mind. He expresses himself easily, is a born orator. He always looks on the bright side. Very adaptable.
You are mercurial in appearance or manner, especially if Mercury is close to (within 10 degrees of) the Ascendant. You are restless, adaptable, changeable, easily distracted, versatile, and nimble. You enjoy talking but might often monopolize the conversation or fail to listen (you might be too busy thinking about what you will say next to truly listen). You have a mischievous and even precocious manner. Lively and interesting, you quickly adapt to new situations. In fact, you treat most new endeavors with curiosity and great interest. Your first reaction to new stimuli is logical and curious rather than emotional.
119 Sextile Mercury – Mars…
He likes to discuss, likes polemic. He has good judgment and is determined. He is a worker and has lots of energy. He has a lively intelligence and goes to the heart of things. He is enthusiastic, incisive, and energetic in thought and speech.
117 Sextile Mercury – Neptune…
He can put down in writing everything that his imagination and intuition dictates.
58 Trine Mercury – Pluto…
He has a great sense of observation and quickly grasps the situation. He is crafty, subtle and critical.
Venus represents an interest for emotions and values, exchange and sharing with others.
Venus in Capricorn…
Venus in Capricorn people will try to win your heart by displaying self-control, presence of mind, and responsible behavior. These lovers want you to know they are goal-oriented, witty, savvy, and controlled. Nobody can get the best of them. They want you to see just how competent they are. They like some measure of predictability in their relationships as they are cautious in love. 
Venus in Capricorn men and women project an aura of competency and their loner-like behavior can be attractive, in a cool way. They don’t go gaa-gaa over love, or at least they don’t express as much. Their lovers may complain that Venus in Capricorns are a little too practical and deliberate. Certainly, they can come across as lacking in warmth and spontaneity. Truth is, they can be rather romantic souls who yearn for a partner to share their lives with. Others’ image of their relationship matters to them. They are conservative and willing to commit. Venus in Capricorn people are attracted to serious, goal-oriented lovers. They are a little shy in matters of the heart, but they don’t want you to know it. If you like knowing where your relationship is headed, you’ll be mighty pleased with Venus in Capricorn. These people plan ahead in love, and, unlike Venus in Pisces, they will let you know exactly where they (and the relationship) are headed. Pleasing Venus in Capricorn involves showing them you are practical and realistic. They want to impress you with the things they do. Appreciate their “saving for a rainy day” attitude, and be aware that they want to show you off in a quiet way.
Venus in XII…
He is devoted to sick or impoverished people. Can be in the medical or social professions. He likes animals, tranquility, peace and solitude. He may have secret love affairs.
You are big on romance and you tend to live and breathe your partner once you’re hooked. Not the best at defining your boundaries — where your needs and your partner’s needs separate — you can get hurt in love rather easily. You can also feel used quite readily. You are attracted to people from all walks of life, finding a partner who has an unusual background or quirky personality most attractive. Partners who mistake your compassion for weakness can take advantage of you. Being openly affectionate and trusting often doesn’t seem safe to you. You may feel your love won’t be appreciated or reciprocated. You may get involved in secret love affairs or fall in love with a person who is quite unavailable to you at different points in your life. Love and sacrifice often seem to go hand in hand for you – having to give something up to be with the one you love, or having to relinquish some person or some aspect of an important love relationship. You value a certain amount of self-sacrifice and a giving attitude in a partner, as you embody these traits. You can be quite mysterious to others, even if you don’t mean to be, because your romantic needs are kept hidden. Although you are quite naturally drawn to relationships that are unusual, secret, challenging, and unequal, do take the time to examine why this may be the case. Be certain that you are not, in some way, punishing yourself because you don’t feel worthy of an equal and public relationship. Because Venus represents attraction, and the twelfth house is associated with the feet, your feet may be especially attractive and/or erogenous zones!
224 Sextile Venus – Jupiter…
He is good-hearted, generous and has a good character. He likes well-being, comfort, a life without problems. He has good relations with his circle. He is easy to approach. All the same, he falls in love easily. He has a successful married and professional life.
Mars represents the desire for action and physical energy.
Mars in Taurus…
“Slow and steady wins the race” could easily be a motto for Mars in Taurus. These goal-oriented people are not known for their speed, but their staying power is tremendous. Generally calm and easygoing people, Mars in Taurus natives can have powerful tempers when they’re overly provoked. They generally don’t fly off the handle as quickly as others, however (unless Aries is prominent in their chart). Mars in Taurus people value strength and stability. They are driven by security and an especial fondness for personal possessions. Most are not afraid to work for what they want, and there is an overall patience to this position of Mars. If it takes a few years to achieve their goals, so be it. People born under a Mars in Taurus are often rather sensual people. Some are slow to arousal, but theirs is an earthy and powerful sensuality.
Most have well-defined long-term goals and the determination to achieve them. They usually are not the type of people to take on too many projects at once. If they don’t think they can do it, they won’t! It is almost impossible to get these people moving once they’ve made up their minds on a matter. You want them to go shopping with you? Unfortunately for you, about half an hour back, they’ve kicked up their heels, changed into something comfortable, and they simply won’t budge. Immovable is the only way to describe Mars in Taurus people who have made up their minds. Adaptability is not their strong point. In a similar vein, attempting to rush Mars in Taurus people is a lesson in frustration. They won’t alter their pace for most anything. If you can get past these “quirks”, however, you’ll find that Mars in Taurus natives are often quite reliable and strong personalities. It may just be worth the wait!
Mars in II…
He undertakes daring and dangerous enterprises. He has lots of initiative. He works hard for his money, of which he earns a lot. He is a spendthrift, money comes and goes. He is always ready to start from scratch in the event of a setback. Great willingness and enthusiasm.
You are likely to be a hard worker, although you appreciate the process and might be slower than some as you focus on the method and tend to each step deliberately and carefully. You love to produce things of practical value. You are ambitious when it comes to making money and acquiring possessions, but you might be impatient or impulsive when it comes to spending. You can be quite possessive, both of material things and of people. You like a physical challenge, and your physical abilities and energy make up a strong part of your sense of self-worth. You like to work independently, or you value things most when you have achieved something on your own. The world of the five senses is most important to you on sensual and sexual levels. You have a hearty appetite with strong stamina. You defend your values fervently.
46 Trine Mars – Neptune…
His feelings are dominated by wisdom and geared towards the ideal. He likes water, sea voyages. He likes odd people.
85 Opposition Mars – Pluto…
You have a tendency to impose your will upon others, which can cause severe problems for yourself when they react in self-defense. You have a hair-trigger temper and may even resort to verbal or physical abuse when upset. Learning to react to unpleasant circumstances with your intellect rather than your emotions comes with maturity.
It is all too easy for you to find something negative about a situation. Avoid issuing ultimatums when you meet an obstacle. Instead, find a way to convince others to work with you of their own free will. Ordinary life often seems drab and uninteresting to you and you must have something that stirs your imagination, some vision or ideal or dream to motivate you. You have a strong urge to act out your fantasies or to live your dream, and you will DO things that others only talk about or dream about. Artistic creation, drama, or other areas in which you can express yourself imaginatively are excellent for you.
You do not easily tolerate a dominating attitude in others. You have a healthy respect for power and authority, but only if it is handled fairly.
This aspect gives you a somewhat Scorpionic attitude toward your lovers, and it can modify the traits associated with the sign of your Mars considerably. In other words, there is a distinct possessive and demanding streak in your sexual nature. Your approach to love and sex can be quite intense at times. Your sexual desire nature is a very strong one, and you may even use sex as a bargaining chip in your relationships in order to achieve your goals. More likely, however, is a very focused and intense sexual nature. This also adds a very magnetic quality to your appeal. When a woman finds you attractive, it can transform into a near obsession! Your aura is strong and somewhat mysterious. You tend to come across as stronger than you intend. In fact, some people are intimidated by you, and you may not understand why this is so. When you want something (or someone!) you are very determined. For you, it can be “all or nothing”. When you are finished with something, you leave it behind you and there is no going back. You want a deep, soulful attachment on a sexual level. In your love life you do not take rejection well. You fear betrayal and abandonment, and this can skew your perception of your lover. You have a highly developed sex drive, but you must learn to rein in your aggressiveness in this area. Power struggles and control issues may surface often in your relationships. You perceive the cruel edge in people, and understand its source. Self-confidence develops out of self-control in your interaction with others.
Jupiter represents expansion and grace.
Jupiter in Pisces…
He attracts the most good fortune when he is charitable, tender, devoted, compassionate, looks out for the underdog, and is giving. Values compassion and charity, and is motivated by a universal vision. Peaceful personal philosophy. Faith in the goodness of life brings rewards. 
Jupiter in I…
He is jovial, expansive, dynamic, kindly, altruistic. He has good judgment, is tolerant and likes food. He has a good education and a prosperous life.
52 Square Jupiter – Uranus…
He is too independent and his liberty is all-important. He lacks diplomacy, and his extravagance is shocking. He likes verbal battles and espouses extremist ideas in order to shock his companions. He has a number of internal tensions.
Saturn represents contraction and effort.
Saturn in Sagittarius…
He has his own way of thinking about a subject, he has his own ideas about things. He respects society and its rules guide his conduct.
Weaknesses: hard, unforgiving, rigorous, insensitive and sometimes inhuman. A limited and narrow mind.
Saturn in X…
His up-bringing is rigorous, severe. His professional life is all-important. He is serious, methodical, persevering. He wants to have power, to succeed and has all the necessary qualities to achieve this objective, by taking one step at a time.
115 Conjunction Saturn – Uranus…
He knows how to be on top of the situation. He perseveres, is determined but ingenious and original. He is very practical. He proceeds slowly, but is always bound to achieve his objectives in the end.
Uranus represents individual liberty, egoistic liberty.
Uranus in Sagittarius…
He is shy, delicate but proud, bold and lively.
Uranus in XI…
His freedom is important to him, even with regard to friends. These are extravagant, original, intellectual. They are not from the same background and have a different up-bringing.
Neptune represents transcendental liberty, non-egoistic liberty.
Neptune in Capricorn…
He is discerning, wise and sensible.
Neptune in XI…
Friendships are unselfish, and often wants to belong to a group of like-minded people.
49 Sextile Neptune – Pluto…
Pluto represents transformations, mutations and elimination. 
Pluto in Scorpio…
Great sexual activity.
5 Square Pluto – Ascendant…
He imposes his will by force, violence. 
House I is the area of self identity. The ascendant is a symbol of how one acts in life. It is the image of the personality as seen by others, and the attitude that one has towards life.
Ascendant in Aquarius…
How unique and original Aquarius rising natives come across! These individuals are just that — individuals, and they won’t let you forget that fact. Often turned to for advice, these natives possess intellectual poise and savvy. They often are curious, and quite learned, in both science and metaphysics–anything that involves advancement of the human race holds much appeal. It’s hard to shock an Aquarius rising. They’ve seen it all, or at least want you to think they have. In fact, they often enjoy shocking others. Not that they are flamboyant by nature, but they do like to, albeit quietly, get a rise out of others. Some natives born with Aquarius on their Ascendant can be quietly provocative and irreverent. Most people with this Ascendant are quite friendly and likable. Their personality quirks generally go over quite well with others. They generally give others quite a bit of freedom–accepting, as a rule, people from all walks of life as equals. And, their somewhat cool and detached curiosity about all that goes on around them appeals to most. 
Curiously, Aquarius rising people can be a little standoffish while also coming across as humanitarian and kind. Often labeled as independent and original children, Aquarius rising natives often feel a little “different” or “special” throughout life. They often feel like they are on the outside looking in, and their ability to observe and deduce is often uncanny. They’re also adept at getting things to work, even when the parts that make up the whole seem like a puzzle with unusual pieces–especially when it comes to groups of people. This sets them apart as managers and team leaders. The Ascendant often reveals physical mannerisms and even choice of dress, as it shows how people present themselves to the world. With Aquarius here, natives sometimes have a quirkiness to their manner, and some dress in a slightly offbeat manner–not enough to make them stand out like a sore thumb, but just enough to express their original temperament.
Because these people seem so open to new ideas, it may be surprising when you encounter their decidedly stubborn streak. Aquarius is a fixed sign, after all. The ascendant sign shows how individuals react to new situations, and with Aquarius rising, there can be a resistance to change that seems to belie the native’s generally progressive nature. There’s a distinct inflexibility with Aquarian rising people, and, sometimes, a tendency to want to force their opinions on others. With their eye to the future of mankind as a whole, some people born with an Aquarius Ascendant overlook the more personal needs of the people closest to them. They are often attracted to partners who possess self-confidence and ardor. 
House II is the area of material security and values. It rules money and personal finances, sense of self-worth and basic values, personal possessions.
House II in Aries
Financial success is more likely when he uses his entrepreneurial spirit. However, impulsive spending is likely. Won’t ask for money, wants to be self-made. Doesn’t receive much financial help.
House III is the area of social and intellectual learning.
House III in Taurus
One is never better than when at home. Not much travelling or taking of a sudden or unexamined initiative. When travel occurs, it is to comfortable and familiar areas. Everything is calculated and deliberate: the motto is “slowly but surely”.
House IV is the area of home, family, roots, and deep emotions/sense of self-worth.
House IV in Gemini
Impossible to stay in one place, frequently changes home. If the job is monotonous, he will often change firm. The ideal profession would be one offering a lot of change, moving around, meeting lots of new people. An equally erratic love life is to be expected. 
House V is the area of creative self-expression, romance, entertainment, children, and gambling.
House V in Gemini
Likes to please: He can spend hours in the bathroom, preparing to go out, in the hope of meeting someone to dazzle. Likes interminable discussions with friends.
House VI is the area of learning by material transaction.
House VI in Cancer
Likes jobs in contact with the public. Weak point: the stomach.
House VII is the area of one-to-one relationships such as marriage and partnership, and of social and intellectual action.
House VII in Leo
Marriage for love, based on confidence, honesty, sincerity.
House VIII is the area of emotional security and of security of the soul.
House VIII in Libra 
Happy old age, natural death. 
House IX is the area of learning that shapes the identity.
House IX in Scorpio
Likes long voyages, especially by sea. Might participate in regattas, likes risk, sport.
House X is the area of material action. The Mid-heaven represents the work one will do in his life, the place one will take in the world of society. It becomes more important as one grows older
House X in Sagittarius
Job involving travel, especially abroad, and if possible with some risk attached. One of the professions.
House XI is the area of search for social and intellectual security.
House XI in Sagittarius
Loves above all travel, adventure and friends are often from abroad.
House XII is the area of education and of emotion.
House XII in Capricorn
Disappointments are difficult to digest, the bitterness can last a long time before he is able to react positively.

30 In 30

Well… It is just about that time in my life. I will be 30 years old in 30 days. The time in my life in which I thought I would have it all figured out. Probably have a house, cars, wife, children, dogs, and be successful. You know, that “American Dream” crap people always talk about. Boy was I wrong.

Actually, I wasn’t really wrong. I’ve had most of those things at one point in time. I have tasted success on high levels. I have had and continue to care for several fur babies that I love more than anything. I have loved and lost. I’ve been through many apartments and vehicles. More important than any of that is what I have gained over the years. Especially the last five or six years.

I am wealthy in knowledge, adventure, experience, and wisdom. I have done and achieved things that most people twice my age don’t get a chance to do. I have been able to impact a handful of people in this world and make a difference in their lives. I have given… Abundantly given of myself to the people around me to try to improve their days, weeks, months, years, and lives.

I have “figured it all out” many different times, only to be reminded that I don’t know one damn thing about this life or this world. I have bet all my chips on things that have left me high and dry. I have had things unexpectedly pop up that were more wonderful than anything I could have planned for or created myself.

I have known extreme darkness and extreme light. Massive highs and massive lows. I have also… Just existed at times. I’ve had no clue where my next paycheck was coming from and I have had heaps of gifts and bonuses and other blessings. The same maintenance is also true for this area of life as well.

Here are the really important things to me, as I look back on my life. I have realized that everything happens for a reason. We don’t always know why or how or when or anything, really. But there is a reason for it all. Sometimes it is just to teach us a lesson, like making the best of a really awful situation. I have learned why I am who I am and how I came to be a this person. I have learned how to read other people and why they are the way they are and to strive to understand instead of to judge or condemn them. I have learned what lights my soul on fire, what makes me happy, and how I want to impact the world around me. I have learned to be comfortable in my own skin and my own life, no matter what that looks like to other people. I have realized that there are only a couple things in life that are really important… Your happiness is one of those things. Pursuing that relentlessly and tirelessly is worth it in the end.

And this brings me to the other thing that I have learned. This is probably the most important thing I have learned… I have wonderful friends and family that will do anything and everything for me in pursuit of my happiness and my goals. Fantastic people that will give of themselves freely and abundantly on a moment’s notice. I have learned that the most valuable and powerful thing in this world might not actually be our own happiness, but doing what we can for others around us to impact their happiness. Giving to others and giving back to the people around you is the best and most rewarding thing you can do.

I wanted to write this post as an acknowledgment of sorts and to clear my head of the thoughts that I have. My life isn’t what I thought it would be as I approach this milestone, but I believe it is what it should be. I also believe that the next several decades will be bigger, better, and more amazing than the previous ones. I constantly see things about some of the great people in our world and how they didn’t do this or that until later in their lives… Maybe my timeline isn’t the same as everybody else’s… Maybe I have to take the long way to the success and achievement that I so desire.

My final thoughts on this post are that progress is progress. It might not be a large bank account or wild and crazy achievements or things, but I have progressed mentally and emotionally by leaps and bounds and I am thankful for that. I believe that we all should be kind to everyone around us, including and especially ourselves. I also believe that we need not compare ourselves to those around us and judge our speed or timeline against theirs. Things will come when they are meant to. Continue pressing forward with your head held high. Remember the things you have learned from all of the knowledge, information, experience, and wisdom you have gained. And most importantly apply that wisdom to all the future experiences you have and try to impact the people around you positively without any concern for your benefit or reward.

Goodnight to you all. I hope my journey through life helps you somehow.


Number Three

The third rule is particularly interesting to me. Especially given my life and how it has progressed. I have said several times in my life recently that all I have is the things I have done to help other people in this world. I have tried vigilantly to take care of the people around me as best I can. To reach out and to give them all that I have. I think this is the best gift that we can give anybody in this world. This talk hit me solidly in the chest. Simon is a wonderful mind and a great leader.